Global Warming In My Back Yard [LINK]
From James Taranto I learn that ABC News is trolling for anecdotes about global warming:
ABC News wants to hear from you. We're currently producing a report on the increasing changes in our physical environment, and are looking for interesting examples of people coping with the differences in their daily lives. Has your life been directly affected by global warming?Here's what I submittted to them, all true and at least theoretically valid:
We want to hear your stories. Have you seen changes in your own backyard or hometown? The differences can be large or small — altered blooming schedules, unusual animals that have arrived in your community, higher water levels encroaching on your property.
This winter was unusually warm here in New England. I went the whole time in my light jacket rather than my heavier leather one. I had great heating bills. Still, it was unusual. This May right around Mother's Day there was a lot of rain here. My basement got flooded. I had to throw out a bunch of stuff. I didn't get any video, though, sorry. I hear one of the things global warming causes is bad storms. We had another big one come through about a week and a half ago when I was on vacation, and I came back to find puddles in my basement. They said that was the tail end of a hurricane, I forget which one. I heard that hurricanes are caused by global warming. Also, a year or two ago there was this wild turkey who walked across our lawn. It was really weird. He didn't seem to care that we were there. He seemed really interested in checking out my kids' big plastic playhouse. He seemed a little disoriented. Maybe he (she?) was suffering from lost habitat? I've also been finding it a lot harder to plant grass in my backyard. The soil seems drier than it's ever been, and even after daily watering it doesn't seem to take. So there are these bare spots here and there, and they become overrun by ants. I don't know what to do other than spray. Forgot to mention about my vacation, it was pretty cold and dreary in San Diego. What's up with that?(via OpinionJournal: Best of the Web Today)
Another letter from Jeff Beliveau topped mine, though:
Tharg and me used to hunt mighty mammoth but he scared to cross ice bridge. It now too thin to take weight of even saber cat. Only mouse or rabbit can cross.
Many of my people have left the caves in search of food.
Sister's daughter's husband says it because of He-Who-Tamed-Fire. He say smoke from fire anger gods and they make it hot. Medicine Man say he full of mastodon droppings.
Medicine Man say Sun God told him Sun God get belly ache every 200 lifes of man. Belly ache make Sun God hotter, like when Og ate red berries birds don't touch.
Sun God say it good thing. He say now we can go south past ice to land he call "Iowa."
He mumble "junk science" and "media hype" and "poorly educated reporters." We no understand these powerful magic words. We afraid to say words now that Moon God warn us. She say magic words make research grants dry up. We no understand.
Must go, little Ky-Rock need help flaking obsidian.